Premiere report
Mr Minio day Jul 04 2012 19:23:49
American premiere of the magnum opus of crappy director Uwe Boll, took place last night in quaint Castro theatre in San Francisco. Recently, Baker has written an article entitled "Raging Boll", in which he documented all Boll's efforts to fight off the criticism, that appeared on Internet. We went to Castro in person, so Boll had his occassion to beat not our bodies, but our braines.

"It's like we were in Vietnam together" - Baker said to me. When it was done, we were dazzed. "We cannot explain it but we just knew it"

Movie festival "Dead Channels" was excited by the fact that Boll appeared in person on his film's premiere. After the seance he has been answering the questions and later he joined the party in "Mission" district. Baker has been taking notes all the time while I focused on taking the photos of Uwe Boll and Postal Stars whilst upset director has been criticizing Bush, "Motion Picture Association of America" etc.

As you propably presume, I support Uwe in his crusade against age category restrictions. However, I don't understand how this movie is supposed to help in this case. Postal is a history of a guy who's shooting people to stop Al-Kaida and religious cult of Dave Foley that want to spread avian (?) flu all over the world. Flu's hidden in the transport of penis-o-look-like toys for children talking Verne Troyer's voice. (pull the string and it will say "only my dad and priest can touch me like that!")

Al-Kaida attacks "Little Germany", fictional amusement park owned by Uwe Boll, who plays himself in this movie and shows every stereotype about him, which would be quite funny, if he wouldn't say that his movies are funded by Nazi's gold. Boll pays Troyer in golden teeth, you may guess, from where this suggestion comes.

If everything above is funny for you, the reason is my style of writing. Gags in Postal are simply weak. I don't think it's talented actors' fault - simply this production is realised in typical Boll's way, which has been described by Baker in his article ("Carelessly written screenplay, slovenly edited and finally, as if this were not enough, violently presented")

Boll has rather made the audience aghast than entertained. At the beginning of the movie there's a long, slow shot of Foley scratching his reproductive organs. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't shocked, aghast, hurt etc. The only moment of the movie that I was laughing at was the introduction sequence, during which Al-Kaida members had a quarrel who will gain the biggest number of virgins in paradise. It was well-judged and funny, but later for 90 minutes there were only cheap jokes.

(Boll wants to rally grass roots support of this film), which would be very hard, due to the fact that even the personal presence of the director (and Scut Farkus, who was nice enough to take the photo with me; now I can boast to my mum!) wasn't sufficient to fill the small Castro theatre. Postal is a movie full of blood of violence, so it will be probably included to "R" category by MPAA, which means that if the title would have any future, it will end up as a cult movie released on DVD.

I'm quite sad that I have seen this movie officially. Maybe it would be great, if I would have been it as drunk as a lord.
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